Tilting, Acceptance of Medicority

Clearly I've been neglecting this blog; I haven't posted anything since my wrap that comes at the first of the every month.

Partially this has been due to neglect of my poker game in general, since I went out four nights last week in my attempt to be a mini-alcoholic. Also it's just a lot easier to write this entries when things are going well compared to when things are going poorly. When I can title an entry "Ship *****", writing the entry is a lot more fun.

But it occurs to me that writing entries like this one is part of why I started this thing in the first place: so that I could write through the bad times rather than the good. So here goes.

At the moment I'm down about 2 grand for the month. That's becoming a familiar position. Last month, after shipping the UB 3or, I recovered quite well, and then gave a good deal of it back before the close of the month. That slide has continued into August.

Of course, all of these things are cyclical, and I'm trying to be less concerned with results and more concerned with making good decisions. The problem is that I haven't been particularly good at that lately. I've made some 3 bets lately based on some reads that were absolutely terrible, and if I was listening to the voice in the back of my head when I made them, I sort of knew they were terrible. I've just been pressing and let that get to me.

I've actually felt my game tighten up recently, and think that has worked pretty well when I've implemented that strategy. There was a time where you could just run over tables by being the most aggressive. Now it feels like everyone plays aggressive, though to varying degrees according to the sites. I remember donking around with my friend Randy and watching him play a big field 10r, and he was just playing practically every hand and steamrolling. I remember just sitting there and thinking "Oh my god, I need to be playing much more aggressively." And for awhile I did that, but players adjusted to me, and players adjusted in general. Finding the correct degree of aggressiveness is difficult, but I think my current game is working better when I play a bit more solidly. The other benefit is that if you play tight you can play off that image, giving yourself resteal opportunities that are situation-based rather than card-based that you could never pull off playing like a LAGGY maniac.

My real problem, as I said, is when I've stepped out from that solid play and pressed. I've been pressing a decent amount. It's hardly ever worked. Combine some life tilt with some poker tilt in a wonderfully mutual recipricating relationship (sarcasm on), and it hasn't gone well.

I'm sure I've written about this before, but part of this is just a battle in my mind for how good a poker player I want to be. This isn't a silly question, though obviously on the surface I want to be the "best poker player I can be." But that doesn't really answer the question. Becoming great at something requires sacrifice, and sacrifice isn't really my strength.

I was always very gifted at math. Through elementary school and middle school, I cruised through my math classes with virtually no effort. In high school, my classes took a little more effort, but I was still able to get by, until I reached calculus. I took calculus my junior year, and I didn't get it. I fundamentally didn't understand the concepts being taught, so whenever I had to prove anything, I was totally lost. The real problem wasn't I couldn't "change gears" so to speak and get myself to try a lot harder. I was used to it coming easy, so I just got frustrated and angry. The end result was not good for my grade in calculus.

I almost feel like my poker "life" has taken a similar path. When I first started playing, everything came pretty easy. I deposited $30 and built it up into a bankroll relatively quickly. Not to be arrogant, but I'm fairly bright, so I understood and was fairly good at the mental skills that came with analyzing hands. I also had a good math sense when that was required. And to this point, I've coasted on my natural abilities really. Not that I haven't worked to improve my game. I have. It's just that haven't had to dig in and improve or face total failure. I could succeed without committing to my self absolutely.

But just like at math, I may have reached the limit of how far I can go. I am a naturally good poker player. I am not a naturally great poker player. If I want to take my game to the next level, to play with the truly best players at a consistent level, I'm going to have to work harder. A lot harder. At this moment, I'm not sure if that's a sacrifice I'm willing to make. I don't have to, to be fair. I've proven I can at least survive on my abilities as they are. But if I'm going to do this for a prolonged period of time, will that be enough? Or will I want to move on and do something else? I truly don't know the answers to those questions.

In other news, the Horseshoe has opened up in Indiana. I'll try and get over there in this week or the next.